-Human.

it was 3 days ago where i just finished my most worried paper, business law, went home and get some good rest in order for me to prepare another second hardest paper, accounting.

when i get home, the feeling of relief of mine was so overwhelmed at the moment i saw my big bed, switched on the aircond, threw my bag a side, sleep like no tomorrow.

i remembered, i was having a fabulous dream. as for what am i dreaming, is not the matter...when my dream starts to get a little exciting, in a sense of dim, i heard some sharp and noise sounds..and i wondered what sounds would that be..

*ring...ring...ring...*

yes, it was my house phone. have no choice, i was being awakened by the loud noise. reluctantly to wake up and answer the phone, everything has changed.

' do you know, ... she just passed away......'

that moment, i was indescribable with words. my feelings are all mixed up and i was not feeling sad nor anything feeling, i was just feeling numb.

human are fragile, no matter how well you take care urself, when the time comes, its done. one strike and that's it, ur life is done with a full stop; no undo, no restart.

its been a long time since we've meet, and i did not aspect for the next time we met, would be at ur funeral, i am sorry...

attended the funeral, i try to accept the facts that u had left, but i could. in fact, i pray and hope hard that everything happening now was just in my dream...seeing u for the very last time, sleeping peacefully without any disturbance, i supposed everything would be just fine.

i wonder, where would u go and how would the place that u're proceeding be? is there really an another 'world'? can u see what and where are we? and can u actually hear us? i need to talk to u so badly...and i hope the phone rings could ring second time to awake me from this dream, but it did not.

seeing u leaving was the hard part in my life..and the tears are just bursting themselves out without my permission, i dont know why...but, that's life. everyone of us would definitely come across with that situation, but its too early for u.

may you rest in peace, my respected teacher. all the best in there..

do ppl actually read this? i dont noe, but i need to express myself, sometimes, at somewhere......

-What?

5th of May, 2010...

A blink of an eye, 5 month times have just passed. Sooner or later, the 6th, 7th, 8th month will be passed just like a blink of an eye time..

Its May, the month which i suppose to cheer, to enjoy and to laugh with..Unfortunately, i am not. Tell u the truth, something has been bugging me since the beginning of the year. Many thoughts and consequences have approached me. To be happy, i finally figured what is the solution to solve all my problems, whereas..i could not face my family. Only few of my best friends know what are my problems, but they are not forever be there for me. I am sorry i could not state out what are my problems. It is very confidential.. very private.. very disturbing and.. not everyone could accept that, and i am proud of my decisions.

Soon, I will be 19 in 13 days more. Not to surprise, 20, 30, 40 will eventually approach me, perhaps, to all my friends. On the other hand, my parents are getting older. When time flies, one only will realize how much they have wasted, how much they have lost, how much they have not appreciate, how much they wish they could turn back time and fix all the consequences they have made in the past, so do me..However, in reality, let's not think of that because it will be never happen..What i can do now is to look forward and to face the truth, face the challenges that ahead me, face the troubles that i am going to face for me decisions making..

As time goes, i never keep admiring 'how come there are so many rich ppl in the world, but not me?' 'how come he/she is driving a better car, but not me?' 'how come they can have such a wonderful life, but not me?'...I thought that my thinking was mature enough to see things, but i was wrong. I was just a kid with childish thinking overall...Today, until i read somebody's article, it has inspired me seriously whether physically or mentally..There are so many ppl out there, rich, but not having good life. Got driving license, but zero cars for them to drive. Had wonderful life, but not as wonderful as mine..These type of thinking should be very common right? In fact, everyone of us will of see it very openly for 3 minutes, after that, jealousy comes back and attack all of us again..and again..

This year's thoughts, i have achieved some of them. As what i said in new year's resolution..i wanted to become a better Dennis..I seriously did, but failed in one bloody mistake...I always make myself disappointed due to some little manner..i am not able to take it positively..like one of my friend does..he is so cheerful..so energetic..and so charming. To friends that always see my so happily, maybe i am..but in some sense, i dont know what is the reason that i am laughing..even if i am laughing, i cant feel the joy..even i can feel the joy, i cant find what's the reason that makes me joy..so, i just laugh..

Human has feeling, which i seriously hate about it..Feelings make people lose determination, passion, mind and..sometimes even own self. This is why i have lost my mind for doing many ridiculous things to overcome my mind.. Thing which is very crazy and harmful which i never thought of myself will be doing those things at the 1st place, done. I felt sorry for my family because they do not know what is the Dennis looks like when it is outside. When im at home and out from the home.. totally 2 different person.....I did not have any conversation with my family members since 2 days ago.. and today..was the third day...and mother's day is coming soon and my birthday is coming soon..

I promise to myself, after expressing what i wanted to tell, sadly, not all of my voices can be told, at least some of them in this blog, i shall stop acting like what i am acting now..

Nothing much for my birthday wish..what i wish is i could spend times eating with my friends, drinking with my friends.. and of course.. spend time at home with my parents.. Its been a long time i never hang out with my friends.. and i miss them..

About family..nothing much actually..i wanted all my family members are healthier than before, happy than before and stress less like before...

To dream in head only will make u unhappy

To voice in mind only will make u revengeful

To scold in heart only will make u angry

Sometimes, learn to release out is not a bad thing overall

Feelings need to be cleared out so that a better u are born

cheers, Dennis

-Is it true?.

these days, i felt that we're getting further and further

is it true?

i hope it is not...

why would i thought that?

this i really have to ask myself about thousand times

or even maybe do u even ask urself?

it could be that u're the one that leads the gap between us...arent u?

and i hate stubborn ppl

for asking me a question and without giving me any answers or replies

do u think it is funny?

sorry, i think it is very childish

if u even thought that not

wanting to let anyone knows

what are u thinking or what are u trying to say

please dont tell

and

also

please do not try to set up ppl

by asking him 'what why when'

and not giving him an exact answer

you'll never how know frust would that peoson be

grow up. please

-Hate.

I believed everyone of us are born to be original and natural..and i dont understand why there are still some people out there.. like to 'act' and 'pretending'?

Meaning that for example, guys, are all about sex and more sexes and if there is a particular guy which is really a sex maniac, shall the guy around the sex maniac acts or pretends like he is also a sex maniac? what i trying to say is.. do people really need to be completely, perfectly the same as one and another? i am very sick of seeing people acting around...

its like they have to be completely same to each other.. if they have a different opinion or different habits or different behaviors in certain thing that a gender is suppose to have the same opinion, habits or bahaviors, meaning they are different..

this is really sick

-Sam Kuek the master.

today at about 4 or 5 pm, mun ian asked me for a movie together with sam, him and 1 more friend from taylor college, keng wah, i hope i spell his name correctly at sunway pyramid.

the movie is at 9.10pm, and about 8.30pm, i left my house, going to sunway pyramid and meet them

seiyehs were there too :D

and the mosst hilarious joke ever, today is 25th, which is author's day.. guiness is conducting their celebration at sunway lagoon and they invited black eye peas as their guest yet, i forgot today is the day..and when i reached sunway i asked myself 'why so jam?'

lol, taking a few minutes time to refresh, deng... author's day.. no wonder la... and by that time i am starting to afraid that i could not make it for the movie...

surprisingly, i manage to find a parking and i rushed to the cinema and meet mun ian and seiyehs.

seiyehs were lining up for tickets and they are going to watch g-force. sam, mun ian, J, keng wah and me were decided to watch where got ghost.. but we could not make it because it is already past 9.10pm.. no choice lo.. we watch g-force..

unfortunately, J and i watched already and we refused to watch again..sooner or later, kar hoong and jasper toss the coin and decide to watch or not to watch... at last all of us going AC

we have rachel, siangye, kar hoong, jasper, sam, mun ian, keng wah, J, siemens, xindi and me. opened 4 pool tables and we start playing...

i always wanted sam to teach me and my dream has came true. today he taught me and i really did learnt from him. a lot! thanks sam and not deniable, he is a pro. damn pro that 1...

and please take note, P.S : I really study at library one lor ( for those who knows what it means ) ^^

:D

-I know its dead long time ago.

SuAnn : Dennis, why so long never update?

Bk : Ya la. it was dont know how many months ago...

Hey Herng : Update la please...

SuAnn : Ya la.. since 3k things...

(What? Why now?)

lol, i know its long time ago i did not update my blog... since they(ppl above) keep nagging me...i update 1 lo...

Sunny : Where is ur blog??

Haha alright, today was the bad day ever, i mean every thursdays in my college life..psychology is fine for me because it is an interesting subject for me seriously... i found psychology very fresh from many others boring subjects like maths....because it teaches me genitals HAHAHAHA, and penis envy(zhi sum said he is)

Coming back to another subject like Malaysia Studies, the lecturer i thought she was great but i was wrong...she used to 'pig' her mouth and talk to me.. and suka suka hati she raises his voice on us.. suka suka hati she lowers her volume...and made us suffer from what she saying...and today is the worst day ever, i dont know what happens to her..she is calling herself GIRL GIRL...and she is like a 50 year old lady? somemore...she is trying to act cute...she is trying to say joke...but her jokes are never gonna make us laugh...all the way she is laughing by herself.. that is very HILARIOUS..

she is wearing red today, i thought, she.......thinks that christmas is coming soon. all the time she talking by herself, asking questiong and answer by herself.. and end with... laughing.. lol how interesting could it be lol

anyway.. whatever she does have got nothing to do with me.. that is my own interpretation . i came out by my own and i am not taking anything from anyone..

:D

-Badminton.

As my classmates, they keep saying '3k 3k 3k' for badminton.. until today i know where the place and how to go there already.

Alright, today is my 1st day of playing badminton with my classmates aka the seiyehs! Haha feel so nice and fun but too bad Ginchye wasnt there becoz he has an appointment with his RAAAAAAAAAAAAAANJIT!

Before playing badminton, i just ate a waffle and some hotdog as my breakfast or maybe lunch? I dont really know lol..then Sam is driving me to the 3k place and play badminton. 2 courts was booked by Vivern, thanks, and we start playing at around 1 something in the afternoon.

*Please take note* As we go 3k ofcoz play badminton but there's a interesting friend i have, Alvina, go there for CURRY RICE. this is something... ahhaha no word to be describe as we all already know =) other than that, Xindi, for me she's some kind of quiet girl...who knows she owns in badminton.. that's really make me have to change my mind of her lol.

Argh i lost 5 matches won 2 matches.. that's really xxx... and everyone of is complaning about Boonkiat, becoz the way he plays badminton is really making ppl run here run there haha..

Should this day never end and keep coming, and i hope we'll have this activity every week. Thanks Sam for driving me there and Vivern drives me back to college. =)



After all.. some stupid thing that i've done after the badminton.. i mean MORE THAN STUPID, ITS RIDICULOUS AND IDIOTIC...i'll never forgive myself about this..